My Own Breed of Crazy

I've always lived my life a little on the quirky side of things, but infertility and RPL have pushed me quite decidedly over the line into crazy town.

• This week, I honestly got jealous of a pregnant stick figure my soon-to-be-cousin-in-law drew in draw something.  
• I miss morning sickness (and let me tell you, last go round i had it in a pretty big way)
• Small children are hard to be around, and babies nearly impossible.  Ironic considering my life's only goal for the last 4+ years, no?
• I can't even pretend to be happy for my friends anymore and they're all pregnant or have small children so i just keep them at arms length.  They don't need my rain on their parade anyways.  
• Sometimes, I lie awake at night trying to will my tummy flub to turn into a person.  No luck on that one... yet.  
• They say the mark of a truly crazy person is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  I think TTC falls pretty firmly into that category these days. For one, I'm trying desperately to plow through ptsd-esque flashbacks for regular BD, which never seems to result in pregnancy...and even if it did, It's equally crazy for a person in my shoes to think pregnancy=baby.  But i still think like that most of the time.  Hope desperately that somewhere, wherever the end of this tunnel is, there is a baby there.