Epilogue

*Warning: Extreme Hunger Games Series Spoiler Alert*

I just got done devouring the Hunger Games trilogy.  I really, truly loved them.  But the ending really stands out to me.  So often, characters go through truly horrifying experiences and tragic loss and because the greater goal was served, they all live happily ever after.  It makes you feel like all is right in the world.  "And the scar on his forehead never bothered him again"...

But that's not reality.  War, traumatic loss, torture... they change people, down to their very core, haunt them daily...

In the epilogue of Mockingjay, Katniss and Peeta are watching their children frolic in the meadow that is actually the mass grave of the citizens of their district, burnt until unrecognizable during the rebellion, and this is what katniss has to say to us: "It took five, ten, fifteen years for me to agree.  But Peeta wanted them so badly.  When I first felt her stirring inside of me, I was consumed with a terror that felt as old as life itself.  Only the joy of holding her in my arms could tame it.  Carrying him was easier, but not much."

This is a woman who spent her whole life knowing that if she ever had children, they could (and once she became a champion, definitely would) be taken from her and essentially murdered for other's entertainment.  And then she experienced the horror herself, not by losing a child but by being the child who was almost lost...twice.  It's no wonder she swore off having children and it took 15 years of freedom to convince her otherwise.

Who in the recurrent loss community can't relate with that?  The fear of having your children taken from you that's so strong you put it off for long period of time, and the even stronger fear that envelops you when you learn you're expecting and can't help but love your child entirely from day one, even though you know how poorly it could all end.

Thank you, Suzanne Collins, from all the people on this planet who are fucked up by what life has put us through for not exempting your heroic and loved characters from the same fate.  For acknowledging that it's not only the weak , but also the epically strong who are forever changed and even broken by life.