Another pregnancy announcement of another friend who will probably only talk to me out of a sense of propriety ever again, after all who would intentionally include someone as broken and bitter as me in their happily ever after? And my first reaction... Try to wish myself out of Exsistence (it's a good thing I still value my life, or we'd have real issues) and to be angry and bitter and jealous and to mourn because I have probably lost another friend.
It's not like I like being bitter, but I can't bring myself to to be happy for the fact that everyone around me keeps getting the only thing i ever wanted and leaving me behind in the process. And I can't bring myself to stop wanting it. And there doesn't seem to be anything more I can do to facilitate it. Ive been going back and forth on going back to the RE since we're coming up on another year of trying...but Outside of my surgeries, which i agree are significant (but which are also over), the RE has been of no help to me. And if I did, should i see my old RE in Pittsburgh, or a new one that works at my new preferred hospital in Morgantown? On one hand maybe it'd help to have one that knows my history, but a new perspective might be nice too. Or maybe i should invest the time in money into some counseling and get my crazy straightened out. But I have no idea if that'd help. I just want a baby. Who'd have thought it'd have to be so hard.
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