Wednesday, October 26, 2011

A Pain Like No Other

We've all heard the pithy little saying about how we have words for all different kinds of grief, but none for when a parent looses a child, because it's "A Pain Like No Other" or "Goes against the natural order.  While I wouldn't disagree with any of those things,  I can't help but see it as an excuse made by society so they don't have to deal any further with our pain or it's implications.

My boss' father passed away today.  It's a terrible thing, that I couldn't imagine enduring.  My father and I have always been close.  As soon as they heard about her loss, the board of directors of our library started grouping together to see where they could send donations or flowers to.  They recognize the significance of the loss and they reached out to her.

These same people did nothing, sent nothing, and said nothing when we lost our daughter.  They chose not to acnowledge our loss, because for any number of reasons, it was easier for them.  That is the real reason there is no word for people like me and no acepted way to act towards us.

I am a grieving mother, but sometimes I feel more like a leper.

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